This article was last modified on April 27, 2004.

Miller Brewing

April 27, 2004

Miller Brewing
3939 West Highland Boulevard
Comm Dept / Bldg 66 / Fourth Floor
Milwaukee, WI 53208

Whom It May Concern:

I am writing today to inform you of a bad experience I had with your product. I will inform you of my tale thusly and follow through with some comments and suggestions.

Last night, myself and a friend were watching old horror movies in his mother’s basement and we decided to enjoy said films with some forty ounce beers. This is fairly typical for us. My friend chose a bottle of Mickey’s Ice and I picked out Olde English High Gravity 800 due to its affordable cost and commendable alcohol content. We proceeded to watch the movies, enjoyed them, and drank our forty ounce beers. Afterwards, I went home and took a four hour nap before I had to work. I should mention at this point I am not intoxicated, although I am slightly relaxed.

Upon waking up, I felt very strange. When I stood up to use the bathroom, I found the ground to be very wobbly and I nearly fell over twice. My stomach felt as if it was entirely made of water and I was quite nauseous. I did hold back the urge to vomit a few times. I, like my friend, live with my mother and did not desire waking her.

Somehow I made it to work, although this queasy feeling persisted for two hours and it wasn’t until around noon (I start work at 5) that I was able to contemplate the thought of ingesting any food items.

I consulted my brother on the issue, as I consider my brother to be a professional lush. He told me that his experience with HG800 was comparable to mine, although he had consumed two forty ounce bottles – rather than my one – and was unable to work whatsoever the next day (he is a framer for a construction company). He was unable to hold down any food and vomiting did persist throughout the day. He went on to inform me of the experience of his friend Dean, who has been a professional lush for well over twenty years and makes my brother’s profession as a lush seem like the career of a teetotaler to say the least.

Dean had drank some of the HG800 on a separate occasion than my brother, and found the beer to be less intoxicating than he expected. To be fair, very little can affect Dean at this stage in his life. Regardless of his sobriety, the next morning Dean commenced vomiting no less than three times. According to my brother, Dean has never been known to be a “leaker” and has never vomited in my brother’s presence. Given these three occurences, the illnesses we each had incurred upon us can only feasibly be traced to the Olde English rather than any other circumstance.

I am not requesting a refund. The beer was a tasty blend of hops, I can’t deny that. I would rather have any suggestions you might be able to offer. Is this effect common in your customers? We considered the fact the water may be different, but many fine beers are brewed in your town, so that hardly seems likely. Perhaps you use a unique chemical for preservation that doesn’t mix well with our bodies’ chemistry? Any assistance would be greatly appreciated.

In the meantime, I will stick with Colt 45. I do thank you for taking the time to read this letter and I anxiously await your response.

All the best,


Gavin C. Schmitt
209 E. 17th Street
Kaukauna, WI 54130-3355

Also try another article under Letters to ...
or another one of the writings of Gavin.

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