After years of being junior members of team Lucky Guess, we have split off to form a new team. For information on trivia in general, see the Lawrence University website or the weblog from Trivia XL. Our core members are: Shane Schaefer, Emily Schmitt (my sister), Candie Ackerman (Shane’s sister), Ben Ackerman (Candie’s husband and the original trivia player)… and myself. That’s five, for you counting (as opposed to Lucky Guess with their 25 or 30).
I had hoped for a team name like “Autistic Holocaust”, but we took a vote and the team will be “The Burt Reynolds / Tom Selleck Ultimate Mustache Tag Team”. We are headquartered in Combined Locks, Wisconsin at my mother’s basement. Please do not confuse us with “Tom Selleck Mustache Ride” or “The Mustache Pub Crawl”, we are not affiliated with them (even though we know Ross from Pub Crawl).
As I write this, the time is 9:17 — 42 minutes to go. I will add a team photo once we bother to take one. Until then, you have to look at this Selleck and Reynolds image (to your left) Google gave me.
First Question — 10:00pm, Friday
When the contest begins by again asking about the Door County museum that features cups signed by celebrities that have been on Spike O’Dell’s radio show, anyone who was paying attention last year should know comedian Tracey Ullman scribbled “To Spike, I don’t have herpes — love Tracey Ullman” on hers. (This question is worth 100 points and if you miss it, you basically cannot win this weekend, even if you’re the Holy Brogan Empire.) Emily had the honor of calling this one in.
First Missed Question — 10:37 pm
According to the “People’s Cyclopedia” the most serious accident that can happen to an animal is “bleeding” or “hemorrhaging”. This is our first missed question, but don’t worry — only one team got it (Hobgoblins)… so we’re still rocking as of question 4 (that’s 321 questions to go).
Hosed by the Bitch Line — 11:30ish pm
We find this photo you see to your right and they wanted to know what is in front of Steve Buscemi. We said “meat” and various other ways of saying this. The answer they wanted was “cattle carcass”, and when I called to complain that our answer is correct, they said we needed the article’s wording… but that is NOT what the question asked. So, you screwed us, Bitch Line… you screwed us.
Fictional Indians — 1:59 a.m.
“Mount Kisco’s landmark, a statue of Chief Kisco, was once an elaborate fountain for watering horses. The statue stands at the intersection of Routes 117 and 133. D.F. Gorham, a strong supporter of prohibition, presented it to Mount Kisco in 1907. The inscription on the base to the statue reads ‘God’s Only Beverage for Man and Beast.'”
Do You Like Your Pizza Hot? — 2:56 a.m.
When you start getting questions about Monica Lewinsky, after already getting a question about porn star Mary Carey, you know the weekend is going to be pretty sweet.
“Vox: A Novel (1992) covers an episode of phone sex between two young single people. The book created a mild sensation when it was reported that Monica Lewinsky gave a copy to Bill Clinton. The sex scenes in the novel, though quite vivid, nevertheless share the basic approach that Baker has taken since The Mezzanine: in this case, he explores his two characters’ accumulated thoughts and memories as they relate to sex. For some readers, Baker’s obsession with detail detracted from a hoped-for pornographic effect. Others, in reading the imaginative sex stories that the two protagonists make up for one another, have perceived a budding romantic affection: the last act they perform before hanging up is to exchange phone numbers.”
Fight! Kikkoman — 3:03 a.m.
Thanks to YouTube, we nailed this question in under a minute… and actually got two calls in right away. Ox WoW! “What do you get when you get punched in the face by Kikkoman?” You get itchy!!
What Place Are We In? — 3:51 a.m.
We seem to be slipping, or at least not gaining… and now, we have the penguin-batting game in effect. Unrelated: I called in and guessed the Chicago mayor question right o nthe first time, but it wasn’t given to me… Ben called in and got it. So, um, I think that means it will get thrown out. (Although I hope not, cuz we need the points.)
The Real McCoy — 4:12 a.m.
The last two questions had “Chris McCoy Rules” and “Chris McCoy Still Rules” as team names. For the record, this is true: Chris McCoy always rules. So whoever is using this (it’s not us) should keep it up.
Dwindling — 5:14 a.m.
Two of our 5 members have been asleep for a while and we’re about to lose another… it will be a two man team. As of question 50, we are in 12th place. That’s not great, but not awful, either… considering we’re technically “new” and we have no one on this team, I think that’s alright. But, we need Top 10.
McCoy Again — 5:59 a.m.
“Seriously, Chris McCoy Rules”… best name ever.
Intensity!! — 6:38 a.m.
Three of us all got in at once — yes! When the answer to a question is about Celebrity Deadpool, you don’t get past me… so, yeah. And now, jam names like “Scrotary Phone” and “Burt Reynolds Gay Porn” are getting really funny because we’ve had no sleep.
Chuck Norris — 8:09 a.m. Saturday
This page was lacking photos, so here’s Chuck Norris for no reason. I stole it from a certain someone’s MySpace page. Coincidentally, Shane noticed that the trivia masters posted: “Trivia Master Drew is wonderfully proud to announce the beard question (#61) crashed the National Beard Registry site.” I’m proud of this website-farking, and even more proud it is mentioned when I just posted a picture of the man with the toughest beard on Earth (Chuck Norris) — without his trademarked, omnipresent beard!
Where are our Sleepers? — 9:52 a.m.
Shane is falling asleep, Ben was almost napping once and near 24 hours now… when will Candie and Emily get out of bed so one or both of these gentlemen can take a snooze? Cuz, they’re falling all over their keyboards, dammit.
Score Updates — 10:26 a.m.
Emily has come back, so “we have a forth [sic]”, according to Ben. And the scores are in up to question 89… we’re still in 12th. Too Much Trivia in the Pants is 3rd!! Since they tend to fluctuate between 9th and 13th, this is really a great achievement. Conquer and hold, folks! Bank of Kaukauna must be anally wiped from the pages of history!
The Inevitable — 12:38 p.m.
Someone used the “The Following Teams Have Been Disqualified”… now we can move on.
The Jam is On! — 1:32 p.m.
We’re now hearing “Get a Towel, Jesus is Coming” and “Club a Seal For Jesus”… and we have begun the volley with [team name removed to protect their identity]. I started with “C. Stocksmith is a Sexual Tiger“. I believe he volleyed with “Crouching Grandma, Stinky Finger”… so I returned with “Rollie Fingers Your Grandma” when the phone guy wouldn’t let me use “I See Your Grandma and Raise You Rollie Fingers”… this is just the beginning! Let the jamming continue!
Of course, all this so-called “jamming” is only hypothetically what would happen, as jamming is against trivia rules. We do not endorse, encourage or tolerate jamming in any form… even when it’s funny.
Losing Streak, More Norris — 3:22 p.m.
We have been missing questions for a while. Some we can’t find, some we find too late, some we cannot get called in (because we’ve been a 3-person team for quite a while, none of us have slept, and that’s not enough phones). I think we’re dropping near 50% and that’s not good, since we need to stay in the mid-60s range to be competitive. We just keep slipping… ugh. And now I think Shane is falling asleep on the keyboard… ugh. Oh, well, I am not giving up!
What we need is more Chuck Norris for inspiration…
Scores Updated Again… — 5:18 p.m.
We seem to have slipped from 12th to 14th, but we’re still within a handful of questions from top 10 and we did get one no one else had. We would do much better if the other two members would return!!! (Then, as I type, they return with broasted chicken.) Still, three of us have not slept and I don’t know how much longer we can go… personally, if I’m going to make it all night and day tomorrow, I’ll need a good four hours somewhere in here. Lastly, druids cutting mistletoe with golden sickles… well, that’s just silly.
Chocolate Milk, Sun Chips and Trivia — 7:22 p.m. Saturday
Tryptophan, I was wrong. It’s an ordinary day. Tryptophan, it began, I was feeling like I am. By the leg of the bird and the special day observed. I was mad ’til I found there was more to go around. Tryptophan. All alone, I was wrong, and there’s much more going on in my vein, in my mind, in my chemistry I’d find. Tryptophan, I’m awake, like the calm breeze in the air. Like a swan on the lake, I’m not calm; that’s my mistake.
When Gavin’s Away, the mice will play! 8:30pm
Emily Here. We made Gavin go home for a mandatory rest period from 8pm until midnight. He was silly enough to leave this logged in. We are happy to report that we are at 50% again. We have four team members, and Candie was very pleased that she contributed by calling in “Augusta AVA” 30 seconds after the buzzer.
9:00pm Thank you Noam for all of your Support
This picture was leaning against Gavin’s computer. It says “For Gavin, Best Wishes. Noam Chomsky” Noam.. we could really use some more support from you. I don’t feel that you are pulling your weight.
9:33pm Shane has not slept yet
Shane has an evil look on his face, and it’s probably because we aren’t doing as great as we should be doing. Eeek. Ben thought it would be hilarious if Gavin came back and we had all of our points zeroed and we were no longer in the basement. In fact, Shane even suggested that we steal Gavin’s computer for more of an effect.
Ben and Candie
They are in full support of my desire to mess with this journal.
10:44pm Batman Hour
This saddens us. It has been “Batman Hour” and Gavin has not yet returned. We believe that he will be genuinely upset about missing this. We’re right around 50%. It seems like as soon as we start to gain points, we sit in a dry spell.
On a happier note, Chippendale’s allows you to look at pictures of the men, and then send out an e-card with that picture. Gavin will return to find such an e-card in his inbox. Also, I suggest you look at Trixie’s picture (from Beansnappers’ website).
11:01: Noam is tired out from a night w/Trixie at Beansnappers
11:30pm The Team
Pictured: Ben, Candie, Noam, Shane, Gavin, and Emily
What the Hell is Wrong with You People?? — 12:42 a.m. Sunday
Gavin here again. I come back from my nap, answer a few questions and they tell me to update the log… well, you really got me, you sick monkeys. Loving the Noam menage a trois… very nice. We’re still floating around 50%, but getting the last few in at the buzzer… we’ll beat you Bean Curd (stupid name anyway).
Also, I want to point out for other trivia people something you should already know. Trixie from Beansnappers (the nasty woman to your left) is the woman referred to above in the Chomsky entry… not to be confused with Trixie D. from Too Much Trivia in the Pants (the non-nasty woman to your right). While the one from Beansnappers would gladly do things of an anal nature with the geriatric Chomsky, the trivia-related one would be more likely to be found with Frank Miller…
Afterthought — 1:19 a.m. Sunday
If I didn’t mention it before, thank you Becky Schaefer for the catering of broasted chicken… I did not personally have any (I’m full of Sun Chips and Subway) but it looked fantastic… what’s on for tomorrow: Chinese? Maybe some General Tso’s? Cuz, if you’re not catering I will have to resort to Little Skeezer’s… (which is not to mean that Skeezers is bad, mind you… just cheap).
Death! Destruction! Mastication! Evacuation! — 2:04 a.m.
Good news: Death and Destruction Hour has arrived! Bad news: We won’t get any of the answers right.
And Then There Were Two… — 3:38 a.m.
Ben and Candie left a while back, Shane went to bed just before DD hour (which we did alright at, by the way). So now it’s just my sister and myself manning phones and computers. “Burt Reynolds” is holding strong in 12th place, and Lucky Guess seems to have slipped a bit to 7th. Our goal of making top 10 is still possible… the goal of keeping Bank from taking 1st… not as possible.
The Final Countdown — 5:09 a.m.
We are doing fine now. Our longest streak of the weekend (winning, that is) and a Frank Miller Batman question to make up for me missing Batman hour… and hearing Europe’s “The Final Countdown”? What more could I want? So, um, yeah… 19 hours to go…
Big Ass Donkey — 5:56 a.m.
What is it about the phrase Big Ass Donkey that I find so damned funny? (Answer: lack of sleep)
Best. Hour. Ever. ZOMBIE HOUR. — 6:06 a.m.
Anyone who knows me, knows my love for all things zombie. Movies, books, music, Zombie Squad, you name it. I fucking DARE anyone on any team to out-zombie me. I am pleased and proud to have the first question called in before it was even asked.
Shane Is Awake, Emily Asleep — 8:01 a.m.
There has been a changing of the guard. “I remember pretty clearly dissecting a live frog in high school biology, and its heart beat for quite a long time (at least a minute or two) after we removed it from the thorax. We were able to put it into a jar of saline solution and watch it propel itself around like a little jellyfish.” – Phantom Dennis.
Hello. — 10:28 a.m.
No change since last post, just wanted you to be aware I’m still quite awake and quite ass-kicking. And also, since previous years have had such distinguished songs as Toto’s “Africa” and Madonna’s “American Pie” as unofficial theme songs, I declare this year’s unofficial song to be The Hammerheads, “Everybody Gets Laid Tonight”.
Just Checking In — 2:48 p.m.
Haven’t written in a while… and we’re in the middle of Chuck Norris hour. Appropriate after the Norris things above. I will say I’m sad they threw out the Lone Wolf McQuade question, because as you can see by this link I have seen the film fairly recently. It’s not bad.
I Heart You, Scooter Libby — 3:25 p.m.
“At age 10 the madam put the child in a cage with a bear trained to couple with young girls so the girls would be frigid and not fall in love with their patrons. They fed her through the bars and aroused the bear with a stick when it seemed to lose interest.”
Hosed Again and Sick As Hell — 6:32 p.m.
Okay, so we said “AIDS” when the answer was “HIV”… and this doesn’t count? Yes, I understand there’s a difference. But regardless of what the bitch line says, “HIV”/”AIDS” is not at all like “the flu”/”a cold”. Seriously, that’s a really horrible thing to do and the attitude was really disrespectful and rude and condescending. Don’t answer the complaint line if you’re not going to be mature about it.
On an unrelated note, I have been sick all weekend. In and out of the bathroom non-stop and getting no sleep even when I’m allocated for sleep because I have to stay in the bathroom. And now I have taken my last trip there because I have nothing left to give. Take that however you want… I think I blew my blood veins out in my eyes. Ouch! Thank Science I have work off tomorrow… I’m tired, I’m sick and I smell like something horrible and a combination of bodily fluids that should never be mixed.
Nothing. — 8:06 p.m.
I was asked to make a post, but I have no reason to post. I guess I’m glad I recently watched “Breakfast at Tiffany’s”… that was somewhat helpful. Also, good luck to Lucky Guess Unbound and Too Much Trivia in the Pants… you’re both doing great. Good luck to the Indeciders… anyone who can MAYBE beat the Bank is my hero. To the Bank of Kaukauna, as much as I want to hate you… you are a great focal point for the other teams, and give us a driving impetus that I think makes the teams stronger and better each year. So, in an ass-backwards way, thank you.
Hey, You Guyyyyys! — 9:48 p.m.
Just posted the picture of Data from Goonies you see to your left… you know, because we have racial quotas at framingbusiness.net
10:56pm Trivia is coming to an end…
Gavin is a tired, tired man. He has resorted to laying on “That 70’s Mattress” in hopes of getting in a little rest.
The End of the Tour — 12:16 a.m. Monday
With one Garruda left, it seems safe to say that Bank of Kaukauna has won yet again with the Indeciders in 2nd… we took a respectable 13th and Too Much Trivia in the Pants took 5th. Lucky Guess was sitting at 8th. I might post one last entry tomorrow, but for tonight, I’m shutting down the computer. See everyone next year!
Afterthought From Shane — January 30th
|50||250||1st (tied w/ inDeciders)|
Pretty interesting that we would have been tied for 1st after the first 50 questions, I don’t ever recall being ahead of the Bank in my years of playing. Also we got 23 questions that Lucky Guess did not get, which is more than I would have guessed.
Gavin Interprets Shane — January 30th
That chart is impressive… hypothetically, Lucky Guess LOST 115 points because of our absence. They lost a few places… and other teams, by way of displacement, gained rank. (Teams ranked 5th and 6th can thank us.)
Also, had we been there, there is every reason to believe some answers would be found faster, and more jamming would have occurred (because rather than 2 teams competing against, we’d have extra people calling together).
So, we took a decent rank for a team in its first year and with almost no members (running things with 2 sleep deprived people most of the time). Shoot for top 10 next year?
Final Scores and Rankings
- Bank of Kaukauna, This One Goes to 11 — 1380
- The Indeciders — 1295
- Six Feet Under — 1190
- Bored at Cultural Learning For Make Benefit State of Iowa — 1185
- Too Much Trivia in the Pants — 1145
- Skull Squadron!!! — 1075
- Lucky Guess Unbound — 1040
- The Madness of King George — 1040
- Nudge — 1005
- Jabberwocky — 965
- Bean Curd — 865
- Team #107 — 845
- The Burt Reynolds / Tom Selleck Ultimate Mustache Tag Team — 815
- Fluffity Puffity Marshalades — 815
- Armadillo Appreciation Society — 790
- Hobgoblins — 765
- Smarter Than the Average Bush — 705
- No More Brussels Spouts — 675
- Trivia Pirates Aaargh — 670
- Bobbing for Poodles — 670
- Rogues Do It From Behind — 655
- John Doe — 635
- Statutory Crepe — 625
- The Poontagon — 614
There were many more teams (like 79 total), but I’m not going to list everyone… some just don’t deserve any credit. Unfortunately, having a funny name does not guarantee you’ll do well (this means you Team Schnitzengiggles)… but everyone had fun, and that’s the most important part.